I know we haven’t spoken intimately for a while, it’s just that the past couple of months have been absolutely distorting. I went from being sure I wanted to get married to being single, having clear sight of what I wanted to kinda figuring it out, praying fervently to not praying for days. My world has been turned upside down, and I can’t figure out how to adjust well. Most days I feel like am starting to get the hang of things and others I just have no idea what on Earth is going on, being lost has become such a familiar feeling that I start to worry you may not come to my aid. I realize am a control freak of sort, and givingup my Will to you is much harder than singing my favorite song. Am scared that am falling, I just don’t know if you going to catch me before I fall down and crush.
The devil, he has all my weaknesses figuredout and his not giving me a chance to breath. Day after day, am reminded of my weaknesses, and I know you say am forgiven through Christ, but it’s so hard to live feeling forgiven when you keep doing the same mistakes. I know that you know both my weaknesses and strengths, probably better than I do. So today I come to you for help, remind me of yo promises, that you got me in my times of need(Deuteronomy 31:6), that your love for me never ceases(Psalms 136), that even as I walk in the valley of shadows of death you are with me(Psalms23:4), that I am clay being molded(Jeremiah 18),help me keep my eyes on you and not on my circumstances(Colossians 3:2). Remind over over over again, until it feels not only my spirit and soul but body. Let your light shine in me, even in moments when I feel like there’s no sun or light coming through. May you be the hope I hold on to, in these moments of soul searching, may you be the guide on the path am on, my partner in moments of need, my father when I feel fatherless.
I hope you know, scratch that,I know you know that I am eager to be in your peace.
Your loving daughter